So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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