at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
