i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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