Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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