we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
