i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
