my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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