she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
