I cannot find my penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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