He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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