So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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