I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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