I want to walk on stilts...naked
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
