Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
