you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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