I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
