Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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