omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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