dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
