i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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