Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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