I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
