sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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