i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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