oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
