I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
