Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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