I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
