Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
