I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
