dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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