It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
