Having a random hookup so left but love u
look no pants
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
