Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
