i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
