please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
