What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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