i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
