Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
