Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
