So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
