he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
