a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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