Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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