I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
