Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i am craving dick and cupcakes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
