My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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