Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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