He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
