You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
