You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
