I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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