I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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