I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
