smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
