I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
