...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
