I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
