dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
