guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
