I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
