he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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