I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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