I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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