True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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