I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
